First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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