My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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