I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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