Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm always down for nudity.
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