He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize