They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
