I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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