I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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