getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
