I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
