I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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