While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
