If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
