Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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