please come you make the beer taste better
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
