Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
areolas are like halos for boobs.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
