So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
