If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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