oh god the rape fog is back!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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