just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
