forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize