last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
