you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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