i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize