Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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