We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
