well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
