I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
