People with herpes should wear stickers.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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