Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So much Jack, so little girl.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
