You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
