I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
