I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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