In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
