He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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