shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
