I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
