Non-Jews are for practice
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize