The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
