his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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