don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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