i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
