so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
