Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
