yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
