Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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