Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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