just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
