I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
