What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
