The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
