So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
