# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
