the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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