wrigley field is MILF paradise
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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