I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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