it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
