no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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