When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
