you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
