I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
