Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
