do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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