Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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