I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
