So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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