Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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