I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
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