Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
