mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She announced her abortion via fbk
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
