No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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