Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
