i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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