1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
