You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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