Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize