Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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